In December 2020 my grandma passed away, and to say the last year and 4 months have been hard, would be an understatement. But today especially Ive had this whole situation on my mind… So I felt the best way to cope with it is to write about it..
Today I made the conches decision to skip my (step) sisters birthday dinner, and disassociate. So I should probably tell how we got here..
Last week I was going through some Facebook posts, You know the “10 years ago today” section to show what you were doing so many years ago… And 11 years ago I was arguing with my stepmom on Facebook about constantly being left out or not invited to family functions or vacations.
The irony this post brought back, as the family was once again on a family vacation I was not invited to.. It made me think back to when my grandma was alive and I told her about my frustrations in these situations. She would always tell me to just forget them. Not care about what they do, and go do my own thing. In fact.. On her dying bed she asked them to not leave me out of things… But none the less, here we are.
Honestly I can’t say as I’m much surprised anymore. It doesn’t really bother me as bad as it did 11 years ago… But the disbelief I have this time around is the fact that I was asked to get them a Rental Car discount so that they could drive to their vacation, but nobody even offered me an invite..
Honestly I’m at the point in my life now, where I could afford to drive my own car, Rent my own room, and meet them once a day for dinner… My existence doesn’t have to be a burden on them… But nope…
Its actually kinda funny, the above picture.. I’ve heard every excuse in the book over the years… You can’t afford it, You have to work, Your dad didn’t go (He doesn’t go to the grocery store if he can help it… he hates traveling), It was a girls only trip.
I really am not sure if any offense was meant at all, but after the vacation: my sister dumped pictures of it to Facebook captioned “vacation with the best”. I just felt forgotten. Nobody even questioned why I wasn’t present of the vacation that I wasn’t invited to…
That brings me to today. It may have taken me 11 years to finally grasp it.. But it’s time to disassociate. At this point I have my own life to live, and I can’t still get hurt every time I’m purposefully left out. So when I was invited to my sisters birthday dinner, I declined. I didn’t give a reason, a excuse is not required. I won’t stoop to that level.
It’s only up from here.